Dragonfly (2002)

Eight years ago when this movie came out, I added it to my "to see" list.  I never got around to it - not in the theaters, not soon after when it was on cable.  But it has always stayed on the "to see" list, even tho the reviews were brutal.  I don't know - something about it just stuck with me.

I've said it before & I'll say it again:  Thank Heaven for TiVo!  I happened to have caught that it was playing sometime this afternoon while I'd be at work so I set the TiVo to record and snuggled in this evening to finally see this movie!

I have to say, I enjoyed it.  I found it wonderfully moving and meaningful.  Costner's Dr. Joe Darrow is lost without his wife and lost without faith...  did he lose faith when he lost his wife or, as a scientist, did he lack faith to begin with?  What is so amazing to me about this movie is Joe's journey to faith, through faith.  My favorite line is this one:  "it's belief that gets us there."

aarrrggghhh!

Ok, I'm stumbling thru this book...  I'm about half way and pulling my hair out.  Got so aggravated 2 nights ago I slapped it down & can't bear to pick it back up yet.  Ggggrrrr!  Here's my problem: too much NOTHING.  Too many frustrating circumstances, no answers, no leads, not exactly believable situations...  Such as, two hours with the investigator while Grandpops gathers chow but no dialog about the case?????????????????????????  Ex-girlfriend pops in and interrupts the evening, implies she's still the girlfriend in front of the other girl, who leaves abruptly, and NOBODY - not Dude or Grandpops - speaks up OR stops the other girl from leaving????????????????  How's this?  The cops show up & accuse Dude of killing his friend, ask where he's been all evening and instead of saying, "here, with my grandfather & a date,"in other words, a provable alibi, he gets beat up by the cops & thrown in jail AND STILL NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING?  We just go to the next day & wake up on a cot behind bars?  WTHeck???

James Patterson is an AMAZING person - have you ever read up on him?  Aside from being a world renown author, he is just a fascinating, sincere, business oriented, this-is-my-career-and-I'm-going-to-do-it-right guy.  Cranks out books by the dozens, covers a variety of genres, including children's, and has the heart of a teacher. Just truly remarkable!  So, I hate to criticize (because who am I to talk???  What the heck have I ever done???), but I am freakin' pulling my hair out here.  I did not enjoy "Sundays at Tiffany's" or "Sam's Letters to Jennifer," altho I did, did, did like "Kiss the Girls" (that is the book that started this loggin' bloggin'), so I'm thinking I don't like him as a romance writer and decide to return to the blood & guts suspense stuff.  But I gotta say, I'm, like, miffed right now!  WTHeck???

One of my reading goals is to read the Women's Murder Club series in sequence - gosh, I hope I don't get this frustrated when I start that!

And just to clarify, this is just a vent.  I'm not giving up on "The Beach House" yet.  This guy Patterson is no slouch and isn't acclaimed for nothing, so there has GOT to be something here... something that I'll get to (soon, please) and will cheer LOUDLY over in the end.  Stay tuned...

random-writing-thoughts

The key to writing is to write.  Just write.  Everyday and anything.  A thought, a poem, a line, a lyric, a paragraph, a story.

Just write.  Everyday and anything.

Like everything else in life, we must hone our craft and how do you do that without practice?

Take out the thought of being "a writer" means your published and absorb the practice that being "a writer" means you write.  Plain and simple.  We identify ourselves, often and too much, by what we do.  So, when someone asks, "are you a writer?" we duck our heads and say, "no" because the next logical, almost accusing question will be, "what have you written?" and unless we've been published, we'd rather not take ourselves down this road.

I read about this very thing recently, in another writer's blog.  How a reaction and answer changes based on the question. By changing "are you a writer?" to "do you write?", she had a totally different conversation develop.  Interesting...

Blogging as a writer originally had a purpose: to get all these poetic thoughts out of my head...  Hence the title:  Jae Halam Writes.  However, I haven't gotten there yet.  Instead, I'm having much more fun, and staying much more comfortable, blogging about what I've read (and recognizing this, I added the "... and Reads..." to my blog title).  Which brings me another thought:  I wasn't comfortable sharing this with anyone.  Who am I to write about someone else's writing?  I've hidden this blog from those I know, only recently sharing - and when I did share, I didn't identify myself as the author.  Instead I just suggested it for my friend to read, maybe to get her started on her own literary blog.  BUT once I did that, once I shared, I became more comfortable sharing again.  And again.  And putting this blog out there...  so maybe, if I'd just write, and not worry about what others think-feel-assume-say, I'd step out of that comfort zone I've created as a hidden writer... I'm really just thinking out loud right now - getting these random-writing-thoughts running rampant around my head from thought to finger, from paper to pen...      

Today, while pondering all of this, something about being a writer ran thru my head, about writing and character development, about exposing yourself as a writer and incorporating, or disregarding, the reaction of others:  as a beginning writer we're told to write about what we know.  This is easy.  And safe.  But, I think, my fear of exposure comes from writing about what I don't really know.  About the being exposed as a fraud... believing I must immerse myself into the subject wholly so not to be called out for speaking out turn...  And this idea, this disclaimer, this thought came to me:  the older you get, the more exposure (using it in a different context here) you have - not just to your life but to the lives of others, and not just what you see but what they share of them that you didn't see - the more imagination you develop.  So, to get started, just write; to become a practiced writer, write what you know; to become an interesting writer, step out of your comfort zone and write what you don't know.

The Life of David Gale

"There's a point, when your mind outlives its obsessions, when your habits survive your dreams, when your losses... You wonder, maybe death is a gift. All I know I'll be be better off. What I don't know is why."

Saturday night and I've got time on my hands... and a project or two that needs my attention.  As true to my routine, I head into my atelier, sigh at the mess - the enormity of the mess - and plop down on the couch to find something mindless on TV to keep me company while I work.

What I find, and am tempted to NOT watch, but rather record & watch later, is 2003's "The Life of David Gale." 

This is one of those movies I remember from its release (how can it be 7 years old already???), but never got around to seeing in the theaters, never heard a word about and promptly dismissed it from my mind until this moment.  I read the description: (something to the effect of) "a journalist interviews a death row inmate and rushes to prove his innocence before his execution."

Hmmm, I ponder...  it does sound interesting.  Kevin Spacey (love him), Kate Winslet (love her), Laura Linney (a definite fav...) - great actors all...  but still.  It sounds like a "thinker" and a "close watcher," neither of which I have time for tonight.  I have work to do!  I should just see what's on HGTV, or Lifetime, or Bravo, and save this for another day when I do have time to sit & watch... really watch... and think... and ponder...

But, even as I'm thinking this - pondering this - I connect to the channel and immediately become engrossed as I see a woman running thru a street trying desperately to flag down a driver to give her a ride...  WTH?

And so begins my journey into "The Life of David Gale."

The tagline is:  The crime is clear.  The truth is not.

Well, in my not so humble opinion, a lot more than the truth is unclear in this movie...  I can't even begin to explain how disappointed I was. And frustrated.  And aggravated.  You know, I actually liked it - until the point when the crime is explained.  Then I absolutely hated it when the final detail fell into place - at the very last minute of the movie.  I was almost angry.  And insulted.  Really?  Really????  Seriously?  Are you kidding me????

Then:  Whatever, with a shake of my head.  What-freakin'-ever.

~sigh~

Of course, I've thought about it quite a bit since Saturday night.  Even discussed it with a friend over lunch the next day.  And, while searching for an image to use in this blog post, I actually found a working copy of the script - and read it!  In one sitting and in it's entirety in hopes that I'd appreciate it more (which I do, although I can't say I really like it any better; here's the link: www.movie-page.com/scripts/the_life_of_david_gale.pdf).  So all this obsession, if you will, makes me further ponder (more with the pondering?): isn't that what a good story makes you do?  Continue to think about it?  Haven't I mentioned more than once in this blog how I love a story that stays with me, lingers on my mind, causes me to play out the fantasy of the rest of their lives - the what happens next - in my mind? 

Well, not this time.  This time the story continuation stops cold and makes me "tsk!" in disgusted irritation.  And I'm realizing there is a difference between a story that lingers creatively in your heart and mind and a story that plagues you with frustrating, unanswered questions... a story with an ending you just cannot relate to, no matter how hard you try.  A story, that when said & done, you define as stupid.

Oh, that's it!  At the end of the movie I decided what they did was stupid.  Yep, they (the characters) were stupid.  Illogical.  Fanatical.  And just plain dumb-asses.

Ugh.

Here's my thought:  the story is definitely interesting and the concept very creative.  I just think it didn't work.  I think, sometimes, in our zealousness to come up with a new idea, something that hasn't been done & overdone time & again, we writers miss our mark.  We become overly creative and therefore overly complicated.  To me, a better story - any art really - should explain itself, definitely not need to be explained.  But having said that, now that I know the whole story and the characters' intent (thanks to my continued ponderances AND the reading of the script), I really don't know that it could have been told, or ended, any other way.

Huh.

So, I continue to ponder here...  since the story played out as it should, regardless of my disbelief in the calculated complexity of it, is it actually successful?  And, hmmmm, am I doing exactly what the storyteller wanted?  Does my continued ponderance (is that a real word?) of this story deem it a success in his terms?  Perhaps, it does.  Perhaps he's sitting somewhere having a chuckle because I'm giving him exactly what he wanted all along.  Someone to think about this so much it is not forgotten...

Joy Fielding's WHISPERS and LIES

O. M. G. ! ! !

This book was recommended by a friend and truly knocked me thru a loop.  It was slow going for me thru the majority of the story, I do have to admit.  The narrator's paranoia without substantial foundation was really starting to grate on my nerves!  I kept waiting for the pivotal moment when the suspicions - finally! - all came together, for the a-ha! moment, the bone chilling shiver that runs down my spine...

Well, I got it alright.  There at the end...  Those last few chapters had me riveted in place, eyes rapidly scanning the words, my hands clenched so tight to the book I thought I'd break it's spine with my light bulb dimly brightening until the room was completely luminated!!!  I turned the pages hurriedly, yet cautiously lest I miss a single word, holding my breath while shaking my head and saying, "no, no, no, nnnnoooo...."

O. M. G.

Clever, clever book.  Had me hook, line & sinker... I lied awake for hours after I finished just thinking about it.  And I'm seriously considering, before I return it, of re-reading it since I have a new perspective - oh, just got a shiver!  Yes, it's one of "those" kinds of books.  The kind that stays in your thoughts, where you feel for the characters, bond with them beyond the page.  Oh my!  You know, I really should NOT be surprised!  It reminded me, more than once as I was reading, of Chris Bohjalian's "The Double Bind."  If you haven't read that, you should.  AFTER you've read "Whispers & Lies," tho.  Ooooh, too good NOT to share!

~ quotes ~

No, I was the one who'd rushed eagerly inside, throwing caution and good sense to the wind.  That was one of the more interesting things about Alison, I decided, as a low buzz settled behind my ears.  She only seemed to be confiding in you.  What she was really doing was getting you to confide in her.

Besides, something insidious happens to women in our society when they turn forty, especially if they're not married.  We get lost in a heavy, free-floating haze.  It becomes difficult to see us.  People know we're there; it's just that we've become a little fuzzy, so blurred around the edges we've begun blending into the surrounding scenery.  It's not that we're invisible exactly - people actually step around us to avoid confronting us - but the truth is we are no longer seen.  And if you aren't seen, you aren't heard.
That's what happens to women over forty.
We lose our voice.
Maybe that's why we seem so angry.  Maybe it's not hormones after all.  Maybe we just want someone to pay attention.

What is it they say about second marriages?  That they're a triumph of hope over experience.

I was thinking it doesn't matter how old we are, fourteen or forty, we're ageless when it comes to love.

Later, of course, when age rounded those stubborn shoulders and infirmity softened her more abrasive edges, she became gradually less formidable, less self-righteous. less prone to poisonous outbursts.  Or maybe she just became less.

In becoming less, she became more, as the architect Mies van der Rohe might have said - more tolerant, more grateful, more vulnerable.

I sat back in my chair, stared at the window, saw the ghosts of my past etched in the dark mirror of glass.

After eighty-seven years, it would be as if she'd never existed.

The instinct for survival, the will to live, is an amazing thing.

How apropos that the final sentence of the book is the most fitting, the best summation:  "Good word."

Reading Like a Writer

Before I begin this very long trek into the depths of my thesis (ok, I'm slightly exaggerating), just wanted to show how MANY pages are turned down... 

I'm thinking I'll need to tackle this chapter by chapter...

Undone by Karin Slaughter

I discovered Karin Slaughter by accident a few years ago.  I was off on a weekend getaway & in need of something to read (I'm a major reader when traveling).  I picked up the book "Faithless" for 2 reasons:  1) it was my favorite genre, suspense-murder-thriller fiction, and 2) it had a Georgia connection.

I was thrown into a world of intrigue!!!

I finished the book, cover to cover, on my trip and immediately sensed there was more I needed to know.  As soon as we were home & I had access to a computer, I did an internet search that confirmed my suspicions:  Sara Linton, Jeffrey Tolliver and Grant County, Georgia were serial fiction and I was several books behind!  The following week I was out on my lunch break scouoring the bookstore for more Karin Slaughter Grant County books and lucked out @ Barnes & Noble.  They not only had the ones I needed, but they had autographed copies!  WooHoo!!!

That was only a few years ago - maybe 2008? - and I have read her religiously ever since (but with a quirk - I should attempt to explain this at some time in depth but until then here's a quick briefing:  I'm a bit of an odd duck in that I must read a series in the format of the original text I read... soooo!  If I first read a series in paperback, I must collect/read all in paperback.  Same with a hardback - if I started with a hardback, I must collect/read the hardback.  Really becomes an issue when you really, really like an author and have to WAIT for their book to be released in paperback!  Of course, I read Slaughter in paperback!  So, I'm behind in my reading, OK?).  So, back on task here, I've read her books in order ever since.  And not just her Grant County series - she's started another equally intriguing series known as "Will Trent," after the main character.  Love him!  But I digress...

So, I'm a Karin Slaughter reader and quickly - very quickly - realized she's somewhat of a different thriller writer than I typically favor.  She's...  well, she's... how do I put this delicately?  Hmmm, I can't so I'll just say it: she's gruesome.

The crimes in her stories are HORRIFIC.  And graphic.  Dennis LeHane is depressing.  John Sandford is intense.  Karin Slaughter is gruesome.  I wonder, what does it say about a person with such an imagination???  What does it say about me that I can't seem to stop reading her???  Oh, my!

The last book of hers I read, Beyond Reach, really threw me thru a loop and I was depressed for days.  She killed off a beloved character so I was sad.  My favorite character actually.  So, I decide that was IT!  I was NOT reading her anymore!!!  What purpose would there be now?  And yet, here I am, having just finished "Undone" and miffed because I realized I missed a book during my hiatus!  And yes, it has been all I can do NOT to stop at the bookstore everyday this past week to pick up my copy.  Oh, it's driving me crazy!

And so, back to "Undone."  It was true Karin Slaughter style: baffling characters, infuriating personalities, frustrating circumstances...  and that's the people, not the crime.  The crime was also typical Slaughter:  shocking, mind boggling, confusing, questionable, unexplainable...  Frankly, I'm a little disappointed in the story this time.  Harrumph.  This time I feel like Karin overly tried to explain the circumstances leading up to the crimes.  Where she typically lets the story unfold and we, the reader, make discoveries along the way, she kinda sorta laid it all out for us in the end, like a Jessica Fletcher mystery where someone dialogs it all out instead of the action speaking for itself.  And you know what else?  She left us hanging with a point or two (what about the anorexia?  what about the website?  am I the only one that connected "Anna" with "pro Anna"?  Surely not!).  And another thing, Ms. Slaughter - did you do your homework?  If so, please explain to me how a 17yr old runaway puts herself thru college to become a successful interior designer for one of the top firms in the city?  If the premise is she didn't go to college, well, then I'm not buying it.  A top firm isn't going to waste their time with someone who isn't accredited no matter how good they are...  And just one last point: I thought the #11 reference was rather weak.  Make that extremely weak.

But otherwise I loved it.  Truly.  And I am impressed with Slaughter's ability to psychoanalyze people, and human nature, and personality tendencies.  She's an excellent study in character building.  I love how she teaches me about the main characters without writing a dosier.  Oh to be an insightful writer like that!

Of course, as I always do, I stumbled upon some profound thoughts that resonated within me, that I wanted to capture and keep long after the book closes & finds its spot on the shelf next to the other Slaughters in my growing collection.  Without further adieu, Ladies & Gentlemen, presenting Karin Slaughter's "Undone":

His life, it seemed, was all about making himself do things he did not want to do.

Don't make the same mistakes I've made.  Don't get trapped in a job you despise.  Don't compromise your beliefs to put food on the table.

Wasn't that the whole point of youth, to be self-centered?

"You earn respect by giving it to others."

Will had always been a firm believer that coincidences were generally clues.

Will always assumed that when people insisted they weren't lying about a particular thing, that meant they were lying about something else.

"I mean, if you're the good kid in the family, making good grades, staying out of trouble, et cetera, and your sister's always screwing up and getting all the attention, you start to feel left out, like no matter how good you are, it doesn't matter because all your parents can focus on is your crappy sibling."

"My mother always told me there's a fine line between never and always."

"The best way to see if you've missed something is to retrace your steps."

She knew what was behind her, just like she always knew what was ahead.

I'll leave on that note because it's the perfect note.  How wonderful to always know what is ahead.